Helping "The Man" by Shutting Him Up: Top 5 Reasons Why "The Man" is Wrong.

What is the best way to get advice on women and dating? Ask a man!

If you’re about to click the “x” box at the top right corner of your screen based on the above statement, don’t worry. That was merely a sarcastic remark regarding an author of a dating advice book, (whose name and book title will not be released for privacy reasons.)

However, to make things easier to follow, I will refer to the author as “The Man.”

     Some of you may have read the book already, so if it sounds familiar, you know that the book was very wrong. As I continue to give you the accurate tour of a woman’s mind, I will point out to you, The Man’s inaccuracies and the reality of a woman’s thoughts, (that of which a man, can never presume to even imagine, even if a man thinks he knows, he still doesn’t and has yet again, been held victim to a woman’s mind.) 

     If you want to know why women act the way they do, you may want to avoid asking a man, who “thinks” he has women all figured out…HA! Don’t they all?

     The Man writes about some of the top reasons as to why men fail with women and lists how to avoid these failing mistakes …AAAH, Yes! Yet, another case of the blind leading the blind.

     Please excuse The Man’s mess and join me in a Blog Cocktail Party as we clear up The Man’s fallacious assumptions. (Cocktails served at a bar nearest you)

Note: This will also be the introduction of many blogs to come.

The “rule” The Man listed as a Man’s biggest mistake was, Being Too Nice. 

Rule #1: Never be too nice:

The Man said: “Attractive women are not into nice guys…Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men because they feel a powerful ATTRACTION for them…Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION and being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.”

Clearly, The Man has falsely made this rule as rule #1, I’m afraid that is incorrect. What should be the # 1 rule is an example of what The Man just did. 

Rule #1 Revised: ALL WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME! Unfortunately, for The Man, he’s yet to figure out that EVERY woman has a different taste and seeks different traits in a man. While a Mr. Nice Guy may be boring for some, he may be a refreshing twist to a woman who is just completely done with the whole “bad boy” phase. Also, he says “Attractive women are not into nice guys…” So, average women look for nice guys because, why? Oh yes, because average women can’t get an attractive guy so they go for sweet, right? Wrong. (Please read my previous blog on confidence, Confidence Gets the Girl…it works for women as well.)

The Man claims that women will ONLY choose you if you’re attractive or if there’s a physical attraction. Obviously, The Man is indicating that women are shallow and don’t care how they’re treated, as long as you’re attractive, then it’s a done deal.

According to my own experience and speaking on behalf of others, I personally know a woman (nowadays) looks for qualities she can’t find in the average, Joe. Like myself in my relationships, I was first MILDLY attracted to my “later” significant other. (I mean he wasn’t a gremlin, but he definitely wasn’t a model.) Like I said, mildly attracted to him, but he caught my attention by the charm and ability to hold a conversation without trying to advertise himself, as if our meeting was a telemarketing room. LATER, I found that he was the most attractive man in the world, TO ME! If you have a bad memory, jot this down, if not tattoo this to your brain and your heart. A man may be an average looking man on first impression, but after you fall in love with his personality, and who he is inside, that man becomes the most BEAUTIFUL man in the world to you. (And vice versa.) And finally, being NOT “nice,” won’t make a woman choose you!

 Rule # 2: Trying to Convince Her to Like You. 

The Man said: What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she's just not interested? They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently. Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION... If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

Rule # 2 Revised: Confidence is Sexy: (Sighs) we’re in the year 2010, I thought guys today had a little more pride than to beg a woman to show a little interest in him. I’ve seen a man being a die-hard when it comes to asking a girl out, but not to the extent of “begging, pleading and chasing.” I mean to a certain extent is flattering, but the way The Man portrays it, is that every man is as pathetic as the attempt is described. Secondly, there he goes again, with the word choice of ATTRACTION. “YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION” Never is a strong word for something that is incorrect. If that never happens, explain the average guys, with the beautiful women, (that The Man goes on to talk about in his book. ) And conclusively, The Man asks, “how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?”

Dear Man, perhaps try reading “my” rule # 1 and the answer should be obvious. 

Rule # 3: Do Not Seek Her Approval:

The Man said: In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission"… if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.” 

Rule # 3 Revised: Be Your Own Man, But Be Courteous. Partially, what The Man is implying is true. HOWEVER, not all women get annoyed when guys are courteous enough to get input, approval or permission from their partner. While it may be annoying when a guy can’t make little decisions on his own, (like what to order for dinner or which freeway to take,) that’s not the type of approval women appreciate. Personally, I HIGHLY appreciated it when my significant other checked in with me before he went to a bar with the guys. He didn’t have to, but he was courteous enough to consider my feelings on the matter. With that being said, a man appreciates this in return as well. It’s not required. In the end, the decision is yours, when a man can make his own decision, which is one of the most sexiest things, to a woman. But what’s even better, is when a man does both. It’s just nice to seek comfort with your significant other, trust me, you’ll feel better if you do and if anything should come up and she says she didn’t like what you did, you can always say, “I asked and you said it was okay.” You’re covered. 

Rule # 4: Trying to Buy Her: 

The Man said:How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? Well guess what? When you do these things, you send a clear message: "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation.”

Rule # 4 Revised: What’s your Alternative? The Man does have a point in “SOME” of rule 4. However, he lacks truth to the fact that women do not see good intentions as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. In fact, women consider you more of an asshole if you do not, at least, pay for dinner. NO, gifts are not expected! Special occasions, of course are always nice, but personally, I think whether you’re in a relationship or not, one should never expect any gifts. SO if you do lace her with gifts and such, that MAY come across as a little obviously lacking in confidence as The Man suggested. But, my final comment on rule #4 is, in a woman’s mind, if you DON’T treat her to dinner, she will still be critical, if not even more. So, bottom-line, (what The man failed to mention) when you’re still in the new dating phase of your relationship, don’t be too extravagant but don’t take her to dinner at Taco Bell and have her pay for her half, either.

And finally,

Rule # 5: Don’t Give All of Your Power Away to a Woman.

The Man Said: “…a lot of guys GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants. Another bad idea…Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren't attracted to Wussies!”

 

Rule #5 Revised: What Power? Oddly enough, men think that their right as a human being is power! HA! Giving up a good fight for the use of the remote control is not power. The Man mentions a power to give up to women… Exactly what is this power? “Doing whatever a woman wants” is not called power. To begin with, doing whatever makes a girl happy is a choice a man makes on his own. It’s highly unlikely, that a woman would request a man to do “whatever makes her happy” or as The Man would put it, “Give up his powers to a woman.” Nobody’s twisting his arm and he’s not doomed to hell if he doesn’t do whatever makes her happy. By the way, being considerate and kind is NOT being a “Wussie” it’s called having class and having the ability to recognize nice gestures and not store them away so the girl doesn’t see your weakness, because being the monsters that we are, we might take advantage of these poor defenseless men… (Excuse me if I’m vomiting while I’m pinching you to wake up, because you’re dreaming!)

Also, The Man is suggesting that a guy’s odds of being “liked” (if he “gives up his power” to her) is very slim. I would have to disagree. All of the relationships I’ve ever known, (not just mine) have all consisted of the girl falling for the guy because of how much he did for her. No, again, we do not expect this and it’s not one of the things we check off our list when it comes to deciding if you’re a “keeper,” but if it’s there and offered, we appreciate it. Especially when the pride bearing, immature, “bad boy,” creeps have drug ‘em through the mud a few times, a woman knows what she wants and definitely what she DOESN’T want and goes with that.

Women are not the insensitive, money hungry, using, game playing, power stealing, monsters as The Man portrays us to be. Women are compassionate, sensitive and quite understanding, yes, we can be a lot of other things too, but to rule us as the problem in the “mistakes” that men make is incorrect and quite hasty of the author to think, that he can even fathom what is inside a woman’s mind, let a lone write a book on it. 

     It’s very easy to get rejected and sit back for hours and come up with your own conclusion as to why you failed with the woman, a conclusion that will help you sleep better at night, but the fact of the matter is, No man! No man will ever truly understand a woman and why she does the things she does. My proof: If men knew how women think:

1. There wouldn’t be a book on it, trying to HELP MEN understand women,

2. All women would have to be exactly the same, because no man knows EVERY woman and how she thinks.

And

3. There would be less arguing, less divorce and more passionate, happy couples, because “The Man” claims that he knows women and what they’re thinking, what they like and look for in a guy, therefore, he should know what to avoid, right, to keep a good healthy relationship? Or would that make him too much of a wuss?

The last time I checked, men like being taken care of, listened to and made happy, just like women do, so if you can’t have an understanding on what is right to do in a relationship and what is wrong, and what that particular girl appreciates, and spend time getting to know her instead of worrying about all of these rules, then the problem here isn’t the girl, it’s you.

Bottom line: Once you’ve read and avoided all of these rules and mistakes, you still won’t be entirely happy with your results, because you’ll be playing this game of keep away with the girl and sooner or later, something will go wrong. Not because of who you are but, because you’re not being honest with her and most importantly, you’re not being honest with yourself. I’ll say it again, not every man and woman is the same. If a woman doesn’t like you for who you are, you do not need to find your mistakes, or follow rules, because then and only then, will you be changing who you are for someone else, and then you are not being appreciated for who you are but rather, for someone they thought they could change you into.

Be yourself if she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, she can take a hike, and you don’t want a girl like that anyways. There’s someone out there who is perfect FOR YOU and you do not need to settle.

Still wanna know how you can get into a woman’s mind?

You can’t! ...But if you be yourself, you can get into a woman’s heart and trust me, it’s a much nicer place than a woman’s mind. ;)