After a long time waiting, I’m proud to present a blog for all of my eligible bachelorette’s out there. Gentlemen, don’t worry, this can benefit you as well.
Ladies, are you absolutely exhausted from trying to find your slipper in the hand of a handsome prince? Are you doing everything you can to make sure that slipper fits, but unfortunately, it wont stay on your damn foot for longer than a couple of months? This, my precious, is the never-ending circle of the dating game. Do you have the looks, brains, and ability to make any guy happy? Than what’s the problem?
That’s what I’m here to tell you. If you find that you’re doing everything right and you are able to “get” a man, but he bails and does the fade-away, texting game until finally, you don’t hear from him at all after a few months in, you may want to reconsider what you’re doing “right” could possibly be what you’re doing “wrong.”
Being clingy and easy is two of your biggest issues and you need to work on that. Most girls, who just randomly end relationships on their own, might have abandonment issues as well. People who suffer from that will often end relationships out of the blue and for no reason, but in reality they’re doing this because they were hurt by someone in there past, who walked out on them. You might also have low self esteem.
First things first, how did you hook the guy? Oh, I’m sure your flirty wit and your body and your smile had a lot to do with it, (and possibly, that barely there, mini-dress you were wearing played a teeny role as well.) But, in reality, that’s all lust and your flirty wit you use just to hook him, which unfortunately, after you’re quite comfortable with him, that goes away, and while you’re think “he’s the one” he’s thinking, “this isn’t the same girl I met at the club.” And he slowly, if not abruptly, backs off.
Ladies, listen up and pay attention. As most women, you walk into a relationships with hope that you don’t need to look any further, with hopes that he’s the one. This is and could be your biggest mistake!
You never go into a relationship with expectations. This can destroy you and prince charming. If you expect that this guy is THE guy, then the odds are you will do everything in your power to keep him. Another problem right there…
You’re being too easy!
Most girls think that being easy in a relationship just consists of having sex with a guy too soon. (We’ll touch base on that shortly) But there are other ways to be too easy, without having sex. For example, you do and say everything he says and likes. While most guys think they finally have their match and would adore you for it. They will get bored. Don’t agree with everything he says, don’t ask for permission if you want to do anything JUST to make him happy and want to keep you. Save that for the more serious part of your relationship. As for now, you should be playing hard to get, teasing a little and keep the real personal stuff to yourself. This will keep him wanting more.
All “games” aside, GUYS LIKE A CHALLENGE!! Guys don’t like the easy girls. If you’re looking for something serious and perhaps marriage, Trust me, you will agree to anything, even have sex with him to keep him. BIG NO NO!
The bottom line is: If it’s too easy, he WILL get bored and your relationship will only see darker, more boring days. TAKE IT SLOW! Think about it, if you’re so excited and soo in love with this guy, you want to be the best thing in his life, you want to be rather exciting and do everything/share everything with him, well this is where most girls make the same mistake and create accidental murder to their relationships. If you have already done all there is to do with your new beau, then how on earth do you expect to go the rest of your relationship together without being bored, when you’ve already done everything there is to do in the first 3 months or so?
Being in a relationship for what’s going on 4 years now, it’s nice to know that every time we go out or do something together, it’s like we’re still on our first date. And it has nothing to do with Chemistry; it’s about what you give, what you take, what you allow and what you with hold. You need to prioritize and figure out what your man needs in a relationship to keep him and you both happy and what you need to gain his respect.
When looking for something serious, a woman can become very clingy. This is very unattractive and can scare the shit out of the guy. I usually tell all of my friends with this same issue, when you’re looking for love, you’re expecting love and when you’re expecting, it sucks all naturality out of live and nature’s course. You need and want a man to fall for you, because of who you are and not for the girl who’s desperately looking to finally settle down because she’s frustrated and getting older. When you least expect it, it will happen, and that will probably be your guy. It was mine, and multiple others that I know and been their bridesmaid.
Fact is; if a guy is with you for your flirty ways and seductress personality, he has no idea what you’re really like, until you get comfortable with him and by then, you’re “too” comfortable and you’ve lost that loving feeling.
A desperate girl is a lonely girl. While you continue to search for the love of your life, I’ll count down the top 5 things you should never do in a relationship.- Don’t ask too many questions in the first few months of dating.
If you have the luck of guys cheating on you and trust issues, odds are you probably won’t trust this one either. Therefore, you start to log everywhere he goes, what he’s thinking, what time he goes to work, when he comes home, who his friends are, etc. He does not need a mother and this will definitely get rid of him.
- Do not ask questions about his ex(s) or mention yours.
Most men do not like to talk about their past, as if it weren’t hard enough to forget them, they still don’t want to discuss intimacy with another person with a girl they are planning to be intimate with. It’s not proper, there’s no etiquette in it, it’s rude and it’s just uncomfortable. And if anything is more of a turn off for a guy, it’s when a girl talks about her ex(s). I don’t care whether you want to see his reaction, or you’re just being open, NO MAN wants to know who he was, what his name was and whatchy’all did. Period! Even if he or she asks, still… no comment! It’s just wrong and uncomfortable… (And will most likely be brought up in a later argument.)
- Don’t lie and don’t make up stories to make yourself more appealing than you are. This is a very common mistake that both guys and girls make. It’s false advertising, it’s not honest, and you’ve already doomed your relationship because you will get found out and you will look dumb and dishonest, and if they can’t trust you to tell them the truth about small things, then they know that they cannot trust you will bigger things and what was supposed to make you look good, made you look worse.
2. Do not (in any way shape or form) show insecurities or lack self confidence.
This is a massive turn off for a guy. Do not ask if his ex was prettier than you, do not ask if he thinks you’re pretty, do not try and find out what are his favorite features of you are. A man needs to say these things on his own, he doesn’t like to be asked, it’s not sexy and it will actually make him quite upset. (I’ve seen it happen) He wants to tell you “God, you’re eyes are gorgeous” or “you are by far one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever met” if a man is put on the spot like this, it’s uncomfortable for him and the odds are it wont last. Also, NEVER put yourself down! If you say, “ugh, I’m so fat” or I wish my ass would look like hers” or “I could never look that good” this is another NO NO. Not only does it show you lack self esteem and confidence, but it also seems like you’re fishing for compliments, which are both grounds for relationship termination.
And RULE # 1. Do not move too fast!
I cannot express this enough. A man, once again is looking for a challenge and most of all, what most girls fail to realize, is that he too may be looking for that SPECIAL someone, that rare piece, a gem, his princess, HIS MRS. RIGHT! If you sleep with him for one, you will be just like any other girl he’s ever dated, 2. He can get that anywhere anytime. And 3. It shows that you really don’t have much to offer except sex. This is why your relationships last only a few months. It’s like boys and sports cars, it’s great to have to show off and fun with, but once your ready to settle down, you can’t fit a baby seat it a Ferrari, you need a special family car, right? Same with girls. While you excite him and fancy him for and do everything he wants you to do, you’ll be just like his Ferrari (fun and exciting) he’s only in it for the ride. You need to be that girl who is his Chevy, Like a Rock! Like his Rock! Something he can rely on, something he can turn to, something he can make part of his life without any games. You shouldn’t be just fun and games, THE RIGHT GUY will realize that not all of life is fun and excitement, and if that’s what he thinks, he will never take anything serious and you don’t need him in your life. Life can be fun most of the time, but to settle down with someone you need to put fun away in the closet, while you have the serious talk out on the table. Do not have sex with him to keep him! Or at all for that matter, I say wait… because then you have all the excitement on the honeymoon, and you’ll keep him waiting and he can’t wait see what happens next, this way, he will wont get bored, If you sleep with him to keep him you will never gain his respect and you will also lose respect for yourself and in that case, YOU LOSE! …you lose your guy, your dignity, your respect and the respect from others, and he wasn’t even worth it. You weren’t! Not to him anyways!
Before I close, here’s another pointer.
Once a guy gets serious, and he realizes that you could possibly be THE one… he will naturally as a man, question himself and what’s come over him. He’ll question if you REALLY are THE one and one of the things he will do is find something, anything wrong with you because he’s in denial and then evaluate if that’s something he can live with. The first place he will look is your Facebook. For one, because it’s hardly spying, because you cutely *cough* clingingly *cough* already added him as a friend so he was just on your page, (guys don’t spy nearly as much as girls do and if they do they will never admit to anyone or themselves that they were.) And what happens next is he looks at your “friends.” If you have over 150 friends that’s a little crazy and if the majority of those friends are guys, RED FLAG! He won’t like that and it will say a thousand words about you. You don’t want that. If can’t chose your friends wisely and be selective than at some point you must’ve liked or LIKE the attention and you were once or are desperate, all in which are NO GOOD signs for MR. RIGHT!
In closing, How can you choose the right guy? Well firstly, if you feel that you have to sleep with a guy in order for that guy to stick around, you really don’t need to hang on to him any longer and you don’t want a guy like that anyways. Because that is nobody special and that’s what you’ve wanted all along, somebody special.
Secondly, you need to find a happy medium, don’t be too exotic and don’t be too boring, and go with it. You need to be yourself. 100%, by being true to who you are, you will finally find someone who is into you for you, who you are and not the flirtatious bimbo at the club. He’ll really appreciate your honesty and somewhere down the road tell you “the reason why I fell in love with you was because you never tried to be someone whom you weren’t, you weren’t fake, etc.”
Lastly, it’s all a matter of where you find the guy. If you meet him at a club or a bar, odds are, he’s just in it for the ride. He’s looking for sleazy girls he can use and then go on to his next victim. Let’s face it, the only reason why you got all dolled up with your girls and went to that club was to either look at guys or get your nightly ego boost and have guys check you out and hit on you, and the only reason why he went to the club, in his nice Giorgio Armani Cologne and Christian Audigier shirt, is because he’s looking for a one night stand, or a call girl… Nobody who’s truly looking for a serious girl or guy, goes to bar or a club to find him or her, it’s a no brain-er, because you’re both going out o get lusted over and groped and grinded on, and nobody wants that to take home to mommy.
You need to be serious to find somebody serious. If you want a man who knows what he wants you need to know what you want and have your priorities straight and not settle. While some mistakes are committed by women in the relationship, it’s not by far all their fault, they have to go by what they’re working with, and if you have a clueless schmuck, who’s just so adorable, it doesn’t help, either and you must remember, even though, after reading this whole blog, you’ve realized that you’ve done all of these, there is still a chance all these guys are just jerks anyway, no matter what you do.
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| The right one.. you'll both know it! |
When THE RIGHT ONE comes along, you’ll know it, and you’ll know it because it won’t be this complicated, true love happens naturally, easily and even wild horses can’t tear you apart. He’ll be there when you least expect it, you may already know him or you may not have a clue of his existence. So, stop looking, wait patiently, and be smart, have fun and embrace the fun night out with the girls and pick your poison wisely, in the end, it will ALL have been worth it.
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