Valentines Day: Force Fed to the point of Puking Little Red Sparkly Hearts.

Yep. It's here again. That one day of the year when couples assess the love and affection their significant others feel for them based on the presents they get or the events planned in their honor. That one day of year designed to poke at the wounds of the lonely, discriminate against the single, and pour salt in the gaping-hole-where-the-heart-used-to-be in the recently dumped. Now, forgive me for not buying into the whole overpriced, dead plant, saturated fat, slutty lingerie swing of things. I have to admit that I have had some pretty great Valentine's Days involving all of the above. But who on the face of the planet finds a gigantic pink gorilla that sings the Macarena romantic?! Honestly! In my travels in the mall and Walmart, I have come across many travesties against the emotion we call "love." Why does this day exist????

 For me, Valentine's day was quite interesting this year, I'm not sure if  it's because this time I am married and I live by the old cliche (As Sinatra sang it best) "Each Day is Valentine's Day." Or if it's the social life I lead and knowing more people, I get to hear more Valentine stories in detail, which may or may not be a good thing. Whichever it may be, I gathered quite a few pinpoints as to why I think Valentine's day is completely unnecessary and at times, can create massive problems.

Expectations: Whenever we expect something, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment and killing the value of surprise, CUT IT OUT!
 Let's face it ladies, we all know we expect a little something on Valentine's day from our significant others. Even if you like to call yourself a simple girl and tell everyone (including yourself,) "I don't expect anything on Valentine's Day." But then what happens if he really doesn't get  you anything? Your first question is: WHY NOT? Is he cheating? Am I not worth it? Does he not Care? He doesn't love me? He's not sensitive, He's selfish... and the list could obviously go on and on depending on your own personal issues with trust or confidence. I came across not one, not two, but quite a few women who did this same exact thing. It's inevitable, gentleman, whether she says so or not, you're going to hear shit if you don't.

Think About it: Ladies, is manufactured love really that important to you? Are you materialistic? If your answer is yes, then you really can't complain about love, because it's not the love you're after. But if you're not materialistic, What exactly does Chocolate from your man on February 14th do for you? Or Flowers that die in a few days (hours, if they're from Proflowers.com) on February 14th do for you? Do you normally compare your partner to others on a daily basis? Are you pissed if Jessica's boyfriend got her flowers on Valentine's day and yours didn't? If none of these questions pertain to you, then exactly what is the big deal? You  might say: "I just want to know if he cares!!" Cares? Jumping in front of a moving train to save your life on any given day, shows he cares, giving you the jacket off his own back because you're cold on any given day, shows he cares, giving you the last chocolate covered strawberry when he wanted it on any given day, shows he cares. But this crap... This Manufactured Hallmark So-Called Holiday-Chocolate buying-flower giving, expensive day of a month does not and never will indicate that he cares, because I'll tell you something, girls. You can have all the candy, flowers, all the diamonds in the world and that wont mean he's not a son of a bitch. And Lastly, if you need a day to find out if your partner is romantic or if your partner cares about you or your feelings and you don't already know this, then not only are you really stupid for waiting this long to find out, but I can't imagine why you're with him still if he isn't.

Forced Actions: Men, When it comes to Valentine's day, I'm riding the pity train with  you. I mean not only do you have to be mind readers as to guess if she really means she doesn't want anything when she says she "doesn't want anything" but you have  to go out and shop for a girl, and let's face it, unless you grew up with a boat load of women and were forced to go shopping with them, you suck 365 days out of the year. You're clueless as to what brands we like, what's in, what her friends will  be jealous of, what she hates, what makes her look fat and what not to buy that indicates that she's fat in any way, shape, or form.
I was at work this year on Valentine's day, and from the 11th floor of the office building, I could see these husbands/boyfriends/FWB's bringing their girls flowers dressed nicely with gift bags or what have you and while I really wanted to say "AWWWWWWW what a lucky lady!!" I couldn't help but notice how pathetic they really looked.

The Last Minute Race to the Jewel Card Aisle at 6pm on V-day. So they can prove that  the Romance is not dead. *itsDead* -Henry Alegria, Actor and Comedian.

Think About It: How many men would actually give gifts on February 14th if there was no fuss about it? Not many. Now ask yourselves this: How many men give their ladies something on any given day of the year? How many don't? It's just that simple, people. If he's a romantic, and he loves you and/or brings you flowers "just because," sends you "I love you" texts out of the blue, buys you anything, lights candles for a nice evening, plays your songs, sings to you in a random car ride to the grocery store, makes your favorite food or anything that's sentimental to you on any given day, then WHY expect something on Valentine's day? You've got yourself a good man, who loves and adores you, if he fails to buy you flowers or a marketed gift, does everything he's ever done for you vanish?? I wouldn't think so, right? But then again, what if your guy's NOT a romantic, what if he just wasn't raised that way? What if it's just not his thing? You had to have known this for a while, you still chose to be with him. So, the fact that woman force their men to do stuff in honor of them on Valentine's day is not only pathetically unnatural but I can't fathom why anyone would be satisfied with an act or gesture that wasn't genuinely from his heart. Sorry Gal, it just doesn't work that way and you couldn't possibly be satisfied knowing you had to verbally tell him he needs  to do something or more commonly seen, painfully drag him to an over crowded restaurant where they have "Cupid" Set-Menus for the couple in love. It's a buncha' shit and you're all kidding yourselves!

Now my husband and I treat each other good all the time, we celebrate what we have daily and when the budget's right, we do a little more. So it's inevitable that this Valentine's Day, we didn't question each others ability to love, give or be thoughtful; we already know that about the other. But my husband, of course sent a dozen of my favorite Chocolate dipped strawberries with a sweet card saying "Celebrating the day I proposed to you, the day everybody celebrates love..." That alone meant the world to me but when I got home, he had cleaned the house, lit candles and played all of the songs we used to listen to when we were dating." No money spent, no intrusive dinners out, just him and I, feeling blessed and content, but that's what life is like to us all the time. (don't get me wrong, we fight, we're stubborn and we have disagreements, but you're out of your mind if you think that doesn't happen, it does.) All that matters is, at the end of the day, we know we're happy and wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm ALL ABOUT celebrating love and reserving a day for it- is SUPER!!! And guys, if you want to be romantic for whatever your intentions may be, whether she deserves it, you're trying to get something out of it or you are celebrating love in general because maybe you don't always have time, that's freakin' fantastic...BUT, don't take the unimaginative, consumerist-oriented, and entirely arbitrary, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance route, in the long run, your love, care, loyalty and devotion is really all we really need.

Sinatra had it right all along!

Post Valentine's Day Advice: Better Luck Next Time.

Note: This Post is LONG over-due and I apologize for the long wait, but I had a wedding to plan. Read on.



Several dozen balloons purchased, hundreds of thousands of chocolates bought in the specific shape of red heart shaped boxes, millions of roses sent and reached it's destination at a specific place and time, a billion sweet words passed to the ears of eager, longing loves. Hallmark, See's Candy, Jared's, Zale's, Macy's...  It's all crammed into ONE day, one particular day, a day where we're all following everyone's tradition of setting one day aside to express one's love for the person they love... Valentine's Day. Just like the rest of the people in the world, we participate in the game of follow the leader, monkey see, monkey do and naturally go with the flow of Valentine's day, because if you don't you're either an insensitive asshole, or a bitter single because you're alone and have no one to celebrate with.

Showered with love.

This Valentine's Day, I had the pleasure of spending it with my boyfriend of five years. Him and I are not too big on Valentine's day, because for one, Valentine's day seems like an economical boost to stimulate businesses and two, we believe in the cliche: "Everyday is Valentine's Day." And I stand by that, it should be, but we like to be good sports and celebrate the day of love, why not? As of last night, my boyfriend of 5 years is now my fiancee. He was quite sentimental in his proposal and undoubtedly, I said, "Yes." So now, Valentine's day is now the day he proposed, nothing more, and definitely, nothing less.

Each day is Valentine's Day.

While I was out with my fiancee, on this very special evening, we find it interesting to examine couples, see their differences and read their body language,and embrace their visible commitment to one another regardless of the differences. We wound up at the Cheesecake Factory in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, and let me tell you, it was an hour wait to get the first table available, so you could imagine how many couples we saw going in and out of the restaurant all celebrating the same occasion, the women all dolled up and looking their best and the men with the convinced look of "I'm doing the right thing" on their faces. The most enjoyable couples were the 55 and Over couples and of course, the teenagers. The love was either so new and pure, or so relaxed and bullshit-less. But there were two couples that stood out to us, one being the short old man with a 7 foot, 400 lbs black woman on his arm and then there was another couple, the girl was your average sweetheart and the middle-aged guy... well... he was your average idiot.

Unfortunately, they were seated right behind us and OH... MY.... GOD!!! This guy was not only dressed quite down in faded blue jeans (and not the in style type faded) I mean they were once a light blue and now turning white, blue. On his upper half, besides the unfortunate hair he had combed to the side, he wore a grey T-shirt that said "I'd rather be Fishing." Really, Of all things you own, you pick a shirt that says you'd "rather" be doing something else? Besides his hobo ensemble, "Prince Oblivion" was saying all the wrong things.
 I'm not sure how your Valentine's Day went but anyone with ears could tell that this poor girl was NOT enjoying herself.

I've taken the liberty to list the following of all the things he did wrong, aka (men) your guideline of "What Not-To-Do's" but not just for Valentine's Day but for ANY date you may go on. (Ladies) this is your guideline to help you chose whether you should book your next date with him, or stay at home with your dog, odds are, your dog cares about you a lot more, and of course, these types of 'wonderfuls' to AVOID.

Mistake # 1.                                      He Didn't pull out her chair.
     While I'm sure that sexy gesture is dead, the awkward look she gave him when he sat down was as if she shrugged it off but it nonetheless, bothered her.

See! That didn't hurt did it?

ADVICE: Men, if there's an opportunity, and you're not sitting in a stationary booth, pull out her chair. There's nothing to be ashamed of. If you refuse, well, you can either shoot yourself in the foot or AT LEAST open her car/any door. It says something about your class and respect for women. if you don't the only thing it says about your class, is that you don't have any.

Mistake # 2.                                 He talked about HIMSELF the entire night.
I mean, bystanders were at complete wonder if his date can actually speak. But her occasional "uh-huh" threw that option out the window. From what he does for a living, how much money he makes, how wonderful he is at his job, to movie quotes and how much people love and commend him, we both nearly fell off our chairs. While some of you might be telling us to mind our own business, it was difficult when he spoke loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear him, unsurprisingly, I believe that was his intention.

Date from Hell.

ADVICE: If you want to ever see her again, mix up the conversation. Women LOVE when you ask questions about THEM. It's like a fun trivia game, everyone loves a trivia game. and if I'm gonna give you a really good tip, it will be to think of a REALLY GOOD question, think outside "what's your favorite color or ice cream flavor?" Think of a great question that will make her say, "hmmm, I've never been asked that before." Intrigue her and I guarantee you will be the subject at the next girls night out meeting. It's what we do.



Mistake # 3.                            He didn't pay with his own money.
Before they even ordered food, the clown whips out two $25 gifts certificates from his jacket and slaps them on the table. If that wasn't tacky enough, he says, "I've never been to the Cheesecake Factory before, I only decided to take you here, because I had gift cards." And then he adds, "so we'll order $50 bucks worth and never come back again." I mean COME ON! Who does that?? Do you know how many people stay home on Valentine's day, wishing they had a girl they could take out, get to know, and spend some time with. This guy doesn't even deserve gift cards let alone, a date. We noticed the girl kept taking frequent bathroom breaks... perhaps texting a friend to help her get out of this nightmare?

ADVICE: DON'T BE SO TACKY! While some girls are less "materialistic" and could care less how he pays, it's the nature and classless way he said it to her, as if he hadn't put any effort in to it at all. Completely selfish and mindless, he still was honest. HOWEVER, If you have no intentions on dressing up, opening a car door, pulling out a chair, spending a little breath on asking HER question or paying with your own money, then maybe you should stay home. Look Moron, if you are going to brag about your job, and how much money you spend, at least be smart enough to pay for the poor girl's time. Men and women, if money is not  your interest, then have enough decency to make up for your lack of conversation, manners and romance. Just a thought.

Mistake # 4:                              He Checked Out Evey Woman Who Passed His Way.
So you have this under-dressed, cheap, arrogant Moby-DICK, sitting with a cute chick at dinner, and she's not enough for him? He's lucky to even be out in public, but of course, he's going to let his eyes wonder off into "it's-never-gonna-happen-land" and totally screw up even more than he already has. As if being a complete bozo wasn't bad enough, throw in disrespectful, cheap, creepy, classless and just down right rude and you've got yourself that loser on "Blind Date"  who gets slammed in the commentary at the end of the date and obviously goes home alone with out a single digit or kiss on the forehead, let alone cheek. 

YOU'RE the "Ass."

Advice:    Guys, if you're going to be a pig, be honest about it. By now, we've already figured it out anyways, there's no point in hiding it. Don't boldly check out the girl in the cute flowy dress, or the one walking past in the Just-below-the-cooch-skin-tight dress, with her garbanzos spilling out the top of her dress; odds are, she dressed that way for some poor bastard to gawk at her, and guess what, you just dubbed yourself, "poor bastard." Not only does it make you look as though, you don't get out much or that you've never seen a woman before, but if you're with someone, it's rude, disrespectful and just plain gross. It doesn't make her feel any better towards you, and could possibly make her feel less about herself. Whether she has low self esteem or has a very HIGH confidence level, sitting back and watching your date stare at a woman as though you had already undressed her, really isn't complimenting, nor a good feeling for ANYONE, man or woman.
Sure, I can sit around and tell you how uncomfortable that is, but what can you do about it? Well, Men, if it's uncontrollable, (Which obviously, if you have blood in your veins and you're not into dolphins, it can be uncontrollable) try an be open with your wife, fiancee, girlfriend, dinner-date or even a friend, tell her you have a tendency to do that and hope she doesn't mind. I know I can a appreciate a beautiful woman, and my fiancee can admit when a man is good looking, we can't lie to ourselves. So Ladies, to make your men more openly honest, I suggest you comment first. When a beautiful girl passes, casually say "Wow, she's Beautiful." it lightens the secret. He will agree and wisely say, "Not as pretty as you" or just agree. It's unattractive when a female automatically hates another woman for being attractive. Just because your beau has a wondering eye, it's not her fault.  And men, Don't STARE!!! It's not only rude and uncomfortable to the woman your drooling over but it's disrespectful and rude to do so when your pretty little baby is beside you. My only advice here is, be open minded and honest, and respect and loyalty will ooze right along with it.


           In Conclusion, I wish I could tell you what happens in the end, does she see him again? Is she used to being treated like this? Does he make things worse or try and better them? Unfortunately, I can't answer that. What I do know is sitting next to that guy, I've always appreciated my fiancee, but everything I've ever complained that he does or doesn't do, suddenly didn't matter. There's someone for everyone, it's a matter of finding them and then once you do find them, it's key not to blow it. There's nothing more fulfilling than being with someone who absolutely adores the very step you take so much that conversation, gratuity, courteousness, honesty and respect automatically pours out of you naturally. Folks, whether it's Valentine's Day, a picnic in the park or T.V. Dinners in front of the set, My advice is to show some respect for yourself and for the one you're with, you can't go wrong.

Honesty, Courtesy & Respect goes a long way.

 

Hollywood Colored Eyes.

What's up followers?

It's been a while since I've updated you with the thoughts of A Woman's Mind. Please accept my apologies as I was out looking for a story that will hit the hearts of all of you; Men, Women, teens and children. I feel that I must share that while I was out hunting for you, I've come across quite a deal of pain, judgment, humiliation and ridicule. Today's entry is not just about women, and of course not just about men, but the impact that we have on each other and the words we choose that change the way we feel and love. The topic I hardly stumbled on was the age old topic of Physical appearance and a persons physical ability to dodge others passing judgments.

I've come across so many relationships where the significant other is quite neglectful of the others feelings and is boldly confused where to draw the line of honesty and being hurtful.

I don't know about you men, but even though women claim they like to hear the truth, if the truth is hurtful, we'd rather not hear it. No matter how many times she say's "No really, tell me the truth I wont get mad." Trust me, she'll get mad. If it's not at that point in time of the argument, then she will bring it up in a later argument or perhaps spit in your cereal milk when you're not looking. My advice to you is: when asked about physical appearance, be honest, but BE NICE! There's a way to tell her you don't like something with out calling her a cow, a whore or telling her she's not 16 anymore. And vice versa.

Being that this one is somewhat off topic and mildly obvious, I will keep this short and simple.

Women constantly feel like they're being compared to the diva's of Hollywood and will try to compete to stay on top of the trends to make themselves feel hip and glamorous. Although women tend to say, "I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me." That is a lie. While she may feel good about herself in the fashionable selections she makes, there's always someone she wants to impress and I've gathered this by the way women dress at the gym. I've stepped foot into a Curves (all women) gym and the straight women there, dress like hobos compared to the way the straight women dress when there are men around. Hell, I've passed women who look like they're going to a nightclub at the gym, and trust me, it's not for them, it's to impress someone, because given the choice, she wouldn't volunteer to do this to herself. It's very uncomfortable to exercise with pounds of make-up on, while salon curled hair draping your sweat-covered back like a wind-shield wiper and not being able to wipe it away because you're spray tan or foundation may wipe off. It's uncomfortable and it's not for "us."

An "airbrushed" beauty to sell perfume? This ad says a thousand political, degrading words.

Driving down the street we see airbrushed billboards, skinny anorexic models, clothing companies advertising for "Barely There" clothes, along with the horrible infamous Dulce and Gabana ads that ever so degrade women. The world appears to be colorful but the media tends to paint it in one subliminal color. As victims of media and marketing, we allow fallacious facts to minimize our importance in society as we struggle to try to keep up.

Admire true Beauty, Not Bought.

My closing request, is that we're all a little more gentler with each others feelings. While some may request the truth, it's better to give it to them respectfully (No matter WHAT he/she says) or else you may be the cause of a very BIG complex for the rest of their lives. It's importnat to show the one you love that you love him/her for other reasons other than fashion and size. It give him/her confidence and that warm fuzzy feeling; and it gives you, class and character. And in my book, if you've got that, YOU'RE "IT."

Ms Singlegirl looking for Mr. Right in all the Wrong Places Doing All the Right Things That Turned Out to be All Wrong.

After a long time waiting, I’m proud to present a blog for all of my eligible bachelorette’s out there. Gentlemen, don’t worry, this can benefit you as well.

Ladies, are you absolutely exhausted from trying to find your slipper in the hand of a handsome prince? Are you doing everything you can to make sure that slipper fits, but unfortunately, it wont stay on your damn foot for longer than a couple of months? This, my precious, is the never-ending circle of the dating game. Do you have the looks, brains, and ability to make any guy happy? Than what’s the problem?

That’s what I’m here to tell you. If you find that you’re doing  everything right and you are able to “get” a man, but he bails and does the fade-away, texting game until finally, you don’t hear from him at all after a few months in, you may want to reconsider what  you’re doing “right” could possibly be what you’re doing “wrong.”

Being clingy and easy is two of your biggest issues and you need to work on that. Most girls, who just randomly end relationships on their own, might have abandonment issues as well. People who suffer from that will often end relationships out of the blue and for no reason, but in reality they’re doing this because they were hurt by someone in there past, who walked out on them. You might also have low self esteem.

First things first, how did you hook the guy? Oh, I’m sure your flirty wit and your body and your smile had a lot to do with it, (and possibly, that barely there, mini-dress you were wearing played a teeny role as well.) But, in reality, that’s all lust and your flirty wit you use just to hook him, which unfortunately, after you’re quite comfortable with him, that goes away, and while you’re think “he’s the one” he’s thinking, “this isn’t the same girl I met at the club.” And he slowly, if not abruptly, backs off.

Ladies, listen up and pay attention. As most women, you walk into a relationships with hope that you don’t need to look any further, with hopes that he’s the one. This is and could be your biggest mistake!

You never go into a relationship with expectations. This can destroy you and prince charming. If you expect that this guy is THE guy, then the odds are you will do everything in your power to keep him. Another problem right there…

You’re being too easy!

Most girls think that being easy in a relationship just consists of having sex with a guy too soon. (We’ll touch base on that shortly) But there are other ways to be too easy, without having sex. For example, you do and say everything he says and likes. While most guys think they finally have their match and would adore you for it. They will get bored. Don’t agree with everything he says, don’t ask for permission if you want to do anything JUST to make him happy and want to keep you. Save that for the more serious part of your relationship. As for now, you should be playing hard to get, teasing a little and keep the real personal stuff to yourself. This will keep him wanting more.

All “games” aside, GUYS LIKE A CHALLENGE!! Guys don’t like the easy girls. If you’re looking for something serious and perhaps marriage, Trust me, you will agree to anything, even have sex with him to keep him. BIG NO NO!

The bottom line is: If it’s too easy, he WILL get bored and your relationship will only see darker, more boring days. TAKE IT SLOW! Think about it, if you’re so excited and soo in love with this guy, you want to be the best thing in his life, you want to be rather exciting and do everything/share everything with him, well this is where most girls make the same mistake and create accidental murder to their relationships. If you have already done all there is to do with your new beau, then how on earth do you expect to go the rest of your relationship together without being bored, when you’ve already done everything there is to do in the first 3 months or so?

Being in a relationship for what’s going on 4 years now, it’s nice to know that every time we go out or do something together, it’s like we’re still on our first date. And it has nothing to do with Chemistry; it’s about what you give, what you take, what you allow and what you with hold. You need to prioritize and figure out what your man needs in a relationship to keep him and you both happy and what you need to gain his respect.

When looking for something serious, a woman can become very clingy. This is very unattractive and can scare the shit out of the guy. I usually tell all of my friends with this same issue, when you’re looking for love, you’re expecting love and when you’re expecting, it sucks all naturality out of live and nature’s course. You need and want a man to fall for you, because of who you are and not for the girl who’s desperately looking to finally settle down because she’s frustrated and getting older. When you least expect it, it will happen, and that will probably be your guy. It was mine, and multiple others that I know and been their bridesmaid.

Fact is; if a guy is with you for your flirty ways and seductress personality, he has no idea what you’re really like, until you get comfortable with him and by then, you’re “too” comfortable and you’ve lost that loving feeling.

A desperate girl is a lonely girl. While you continue to search for the love of your life, I’ll count down the top 5 things you should never do in a relationship.

5. Don’t ask too many questions in the first few months of dating.

If you have the luck of guys cheating on you and trust issues, odds are you probably won’t trust this one either. Therefore, you start to log everywhere he goes, what he’s thinking, what time he goes to work, when he comes home, who his friends are, etc. He does not need a mother and this will definitely get rid of him.

4. Do not ask questions about his ex(s) or mention yours.

Most men do not like to talk about their past, as if it weren’t hard enough to forget them, they still don’t want to discuss intimacy with another person with a girl they are planning to be intimate with. It’s not proper, there’s no etiquette in it, it’s rude and it’s just uncomfortable. And if anything is more of a turn off for a guy, it’s when a girl talks about her ex(s). I don’t care whether you want to see his reaction, or you’re just being open, NO MAN wants to know who he was, what his name was and whatchy’all did. Period! Even if he or she asks, still… no comment! It’s just wrong and uncomfortable… (And will most likely be brought up in a later argument.)

3. Don’t lie and don’t make up stories to make yourself more appealing than you are.  This is a very common mistake that both guys and girls make. It’s false advertising, it’s not honest, and you’ve already doomed your relationship because you will get found out and you will look dumb and dishonest, and if they can’t trust you to tell them the truth about small things, then they know that they cannot trust you will bigger things and what was supposed to make you look good, made you look worse.

2.         Do not (in any way shape or form) show insecurities or lack self confidence.

This is a massive turn off for a guy. Do not ask if his ex was prettier than you, do not ask if he thinks you’re pretty, do not try and find out what are his favorite features of you are. A man needs to say these things on his own, he doesn’t like to be asked, it’s not sexy and it will actually make him quite upset. (I’ve seen it happen) He wants to tell you “God, you’re eyes are gorgeous” or “you are by far one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever met” if a man is put on the spot like this, it’s uncomfortable for him and the odds are it wont last. Also, NEVER put yourself down! If you say, “ugh, I’m so fat” or I wish my ass would look like hers” or “I could never look that good” this is another NO NO. Not only does it show you lack self esteem and confidence, but it also seems like you’re fishing for compliments, which are both grounds for relationship termination.

And RULE # 1. Do not move too fast!

I cannot express this enough. A man, once again is looking for a challenge and most of all, what most girls fail to realize, is that he too may be looking for that SPECIAL someone, that rare piece, a gem, his princess, HIS MRS. RIGHT! If you sleep with him for one, you will be just like any other girl he’s ever dated, 2. He can get that anywhere anytime. And 3. It shows that you really don’t have much to offer except sex. This is why your relationships last only a few months. It’s like boys and sports cars, it’s great to have to show off and fun with, but once your ready to settle down, you can’t fit a baby seat it a Ferrari, you need a special family car, right? Same with girls. While you excite him and fancy him for and do everything he wants you to do, you’ll be just like his Ferrari (fun and exciting) he’s only in it for the ride. You need to be that girl who is his Chevy, Like a Rock! Like his Rock! Something he can rely on, something he can turn to, something he can make part of his life without any games. You shouldn’t be just fun and games, THE RIGHT GUY will realize that not all of life is fun and excitement, and if that’s what he thinks, he will never take anything serious and you don’t need him in your life. Life can be fun most of the time, but to settle down with someone you need to put fun away in the closet, while you have the serious talk out on the table. Do not have sex with him to keep him! Or at all for that matter, I say wait… because then you have all the excitement on the honeymoon, and you’ll keep him waiting and he can’t wait see what happens next, this way, he will wont get bored, If you sleep with him to keep him you will never gain his respect and you will also lose respect for yourself and in that case, YOU LOSE! …you lose your guy, your dignity, your respect and the respect from others, and he wasn’t even worth it. You weren’t! Not to him anyways!

Before I close, here’s another pointer.

Once a guy gets serious, and he realizes that you could possibly be THE one… he will naturally as a man, question himself and what’s come over him. He’ll question if you REALLY are THE one and one of the things he will do is find something, anything wrong with you because he’s in denial and then evaluate if that’s something he can live with. The first place he will look is your Facebook. For one, because it’s hardly spying, because you cutely *cough* clingingly *cough* already added him as a friend so he was just on your page, (guys don’t spy nearly as much as girls do and if they do they will never admit to anyone or themselves that they were.) And what happens next is he looks at your “friends.” If you have over 150 friends that’s a little crazy and if the majority of those friends are guys, RED FLAG! He won’t like that and it will say a thousand words about you. You don’t want that. If can’t chose your friends wisely and be selective than at some point you must’ve liked or LIKE the attention and you were once or are desperate, all in which are NO GOOD signs for MR. RIGHT!

In closing, How can you choose the right guy? Well firstly, if you feel that you have to sleep with a guy in order for that guy to stick around, you really don’t need to hang on to him any longer and you don’t want a guy like that anyways. Because that is nobody special and that’s what you’ve wanted all along, somebody special.

Secondly, you need to find a happy medium, don’t be too exotic and don’t be too boring, and go with it. You need to be yourself. 100%, by being true to who you are, you will finally find someone who is into you for you, who you are and not the flirtatious bimbo at the club. He’ll really appreciate your honesty and somewhere down the road tell you “the reason why I fell in love with you was because you never tried to be someone whom you weren’t, you weren’t fake, etc.”

Lastly, it’s all a matter of where you find the guy. If you meet him at a club or a bar, odds are, he’s just in it for the ride. He’s looking for sleazy girls he can use and then go on to his next victim. Let’s face it, the only reason why you got all dolled up with your girls and went to that club was to either look at guys or get your nightly ego boost and have guys check you out and hit on you, and the only reason why he went to the club, in his nice Giorgio Armani Cologne and Christian Audigier shirt, is because he’s looking for a one night stand, or a call girl… Nobody who’s truly looking for a serious girl or guy, goes to bar or a club to find him or her, it’s a no brain-er, because you’re both going out o get lusted over and groped and grinded on, and nobody wants that to take home to mommy.

You need to be serious to find somebody serious. If you want a man who knows what he wants you need to know what you want and have your priorities straight and not settle. While some mistakes are committed by women in the relationship, it’s not by far all their fault, they have to go by what they’re working with, and if you have a clueless schmuck, who’s just so adorable, it doesn’t help, either and you must remember, even though, after reading this whole blog, you’ve realized that you’ve done all of these, there is still a chance all these guys are just jerks anyway, no matter what you do.

The right one.. you'll both know it!

When THE RIGHT ONE comes along, you’ll know it, and you’ll know it because it won’t be this complicated, true love happens naturally, easily and even wild horses can’t tear you apart. He’ll be there when you least expect it, you may already know him or you may not have a clue of his existence. So, stop looking, wait patiently, and be smart, have fun and embrace the fun night out with the girls and pick your poison wisely, in the end, it will ALL have been worth it.

Helping "The Man" by Shutting Him Up: Top 5 Reasons Why "The Man" is Wrong.

What is the best way to get advice on women and dating? Ask a man!

If you’re about to click the “x” box at the top right corner of your screen based on the above statement, don’t worry. That was merely a sarcastic remark regarding an author of a dating advice book, (whose name and book title will not be released for privacy reasons.)

However, to make things easier to follow, I will refer to the author as “The Man.”

     Some of you may have read the book already, so if it sounds familiar, you know that the book was very wrong. As I continue to give you the accurate tour of a woman’s mind, I will point out to you, The Man’s inaccuracies and the reality of a woman’s thoughts, (that of which a man, can never presume to even imagine, even if a man thinks he knows, he still doesn’t and has yet again, been held victim to a woman’s mind.) 

     If you want to know why women act the way they do, you may want to avoid asking a man, who “thinks” he has women all figured out…HA! Don’t they all?

     The Man writes about some of the top reasons as to why men fail with women and lists how to avoid these failing mistakes …AAAH, Yes! Yet, another case of the blind leading the blind.

     Please excuse The Man’s mess and join me in a Blog Cocktail Party as we clear up The Man’s fallacious assumptions. (Cocktails served at a bar nearest you)

Note: This will also be the introduction of many blogs to come.

The “rule” The Man listed as a Man’s biggest mistake was, Being Too Nice. 

Rule #1: Never be too nice:

The Man said: “Attractive women are not into nice guys…Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men because they feel a powerful ATTRACTION for them…Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION and being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.”

Clearly, The Man has falsely made this rule as rule #1, I’m afraid that is incorrect. What should be the # 1 rule is an example of what The Man just did. 

Rule #1 Revised: ALL WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME! Unfortunately, for The Man, he’s yet to figure out that EVERY woman has a different taste and seeks different traits in a man. While a Mr. Nice Guy may be boring for some, he may be a refreshing twist to a woman who is just completely done with the whole “bad boy” phase. Also, he says “Attractive women are not into nice guys…” So, average women look for nice guys because, why? Oh yes, because average women can’t get an attractive guy so they go for sweet, right? Wrong. (Please read my previous blog on confidence, Confidence Gets the Girl…it works for women as well.)

The Man claims that women will ONLY choose you if you’re attractive or if there’s a physical attraction. Obviously, The Man is indicating that women are shallow and don’t care how they’re treated, as long as you’re attractive, then it’s a done deal.

According to my own experience and speaking on behalf of others, I personally know a woman (nowadays) looks for qualities she can’t find in the average, Joe. Like myself in my relationships, I was first MILDLY attracted to my “later” significant other. (I mean he wasn’t a gremlin, but he definitely wasn’t a model.) Like I said, mildly attracted to him, but he caught my attention by the charm and ability to hold a conversation without trying to advertise himself, as if our meeting was a telemarketing room. LATER, I found that he was the most attractive man in the world, TO ME! If you have a bad memory, jot this down, if not tattoo this to your brain and your heart. A man may be an average looking man on first impression, but after you fall in love with his personality, and who he is inside, that man becomes the most BEAUTIFUL man in the world to you. (And vice versa.) And finally, being NOT “nice,” won’t make a woman choose you!

 Rule # 2: Trying to Convince Her to Like You. 

The Man said: What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she's just not interested? They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently. Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION... If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

Rule # 2 Revised: Confidence is Sexy: (Sighs) we’re in the year 2010, I thought guys today had a little more pride than to beg a woman to show a little interest in him. I’ve seen a man being a die-hard when it comes to asking a girl out, but not to the extent of “begging, pleading and chasing.” I mean to a certain extent is flattering, but the way The Man portrays it, is that every man is as pathetic as the attempt is described. Secondly, there he goes again, with the word choice of ATTRACTION. “YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION” Never is a strong word for something that is incorrect. If that never happens, explain the average guys, with the beautiful women, (that The Man goes on to talk about in his book. ) And conclusively, The Man asks, “how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?”

Dear Man, perhaps try reading “my” rule # 1 and the answer should be obvious. 

Rule # 3: Do Not Seek Her Approval:

The Man said: In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission"… if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.” 

Rule # 3 Revised: Be Your Own Man, But Be Courteous. Partially, what The Man is implying is true. HOWEVER, not all women get annoyed when guys are courteous enough to get input, approval or permission from their partner. While it may be annoying when a guy can’t make little decisions on his own, (like what to order for dinner or which freeway to take,) that’s not the type of approval women appreciate. Personally, I HIGHLY appreciated it when my significant other checked in with me before he went to a bar with the guys. He didn’t have to, but he was courteous enough to consider my feelings on the matter. With that being said, a man appreciates this in return as well. It’s not required. In the end, the decision is yours, when a man can make his own decision, which is one of the most sexiest things, to a woman. But what’s even better, is when a man does both. It’s just nice to seek comfort with your significant other, trust me, you’ll feel better if you do and if anything should come up and she says she didn’t like what you did, you can always say, “I asked and you said it was okay.” You’re covered. 

Rule # 4: Trying to Buy Her: 

The Man said:How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? Well guess what? When you do these things, you send a clear message: "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation.”

Rule # 4 Revised: What’s your Alternative? The Man does have a point in “SOME” of rule 4. However, he lacks truth to the fact that women do not see good intentions as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. In fact, women consider you more of an asshole if you do not, at least, pay for dinner. NO, gifts are not expected! Special occasions, of course are always nice, but personally, I think whether you’re in a relationship or not, one should never expect any gifts. SO if you do lace her with gifts and such, that MAY come across as a little obviously lacking in confidence as The Man suggested. But, my final comment on rule #4 is, in a woman’s mind, if you DON’T treat her to dinner, she will still be critical, if not even more. So, bottom-line, (what The man failed to mention) when you’re still in the new dating phase of your relationship, don’t be too extravagant but don’t take her to dinner at Taco Bell and have her pay for her half, either.

And finally,

Rule # 5: Don’t Give All of Your Power Away to a Woman.

The Man Said: “…a lot of guys GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants. Another bad idea…Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren't attracted to Wussies!”

 

Rule #5 Revised: What Power? Oddly enough, men think that their right as a human being is power! HA! Giving up a good fight for the use of the remote control is not power. The Man mentions a power to give up to women… Exactly what is this power? “Doing whatever a woman wants” is not called power. To begin with, doing whatever makes a girl happy is a choice a man makes on his own. It’s highly unlikely, that a woman would request a man to do “whatever makes her happy” or as The Man would put it, “Give up his powers to a woman.” Nobody’s twisting his arm and he’s not doomed to hell if he doesn’t do whatever makes her happy. By the way, being considerate and kind is NOT being a “Wussie” it’s called having class and having the ability to recognize nice gestures and not store them away so the girl doesn’t see your weakness, because being the monsters that we are, we might take advantage of these poor defenseless men… (Excuse me if I’m vomiting while I’m pinching you to wake up, because you’re dreaming!)

Also, The Man is suggesting that a guy’s odds of being “liked” (if he “gives up his power” to her) is very slim. I would have to disagree. All of the relationships I’ve ever known, (not just mine) have all consisted of the girl falling for the guy because of how much he did for her. No, again, we do not expect this and it’s not one of the things we check off our list when it comes to deciding if you’re a “keeper,” but if it’s there and offered, we appreciate it. Especially when the pride bearing, immature, “bad boy,” creeps have drug ‘em through the mud a few times, a woman knows what she wants and definitely what she DOESN’T want and goes with that.

Women are not the insensitive, money hungry, using, game playing, power stealing, monsters as The Man portrays us to be. Women are compassionate, sensitive and quite understanding, yes, we can be a lot of other things too, but to rule us as the problem in the “mistakes” that men make is incorrect and quite hasty of the author to think, that he can even fathom what is inside a woman’s mind, let a lone write a book on it. 

     It’s very easy to get rejected and sit back for hours and come up with your own conclusion as to why you failed with the woman, a conclusion that will help you sleep better at night, but the fact of the matter is, No man! No man will ever truly understand a woman and why she does the things she does. My proof: If men knew how women think:

1. There wouldn’t be a book on it, trying to HELP MEN understand women,

2. All women would have to be exactly the same, because no man knows EVERY woman and how she thinks.

And

3. There would be less arguing, less divorce and more passionate, happy couples, because “The Man” claims that he knows women and what they’re thinking, what they like and look for in a guy, therefore, he should know what to avoid, right, to keep a good healthy relationship? Or would that make him too much of a wuss?

The last time I checked, men like being taken care of, listened to and made happy, just like women do, so if you can’t have an understanding on what is right to do in a relationship and what is wrong, and what that particular girl appreciates, and spend time getting to know her instead of worrying about all of these rules, then the problem here isn’t the girl, it’s you.

Bottom line: Once you’ve read and avoided all of these rules and mistakes, you still won’t be entirely happy with your results, because you’ll be playing this game of keep away with the girl and sooner or later, something will go wrong. Not because of who you are but, because you’re not being honest with her and most importantly, you’re not being honest with yourself. I’ll say it again, not every man and woman is the same. If a woman doesn’t like you for who you are, you do not need to find your mistakes, or follow rules, because then and only then, will you be changing who you are for someone else, and then you are not being appreciated for who you are but rather, for someone they thought they could change you into.

Be yourself if she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, she can take a hike, and you don’t want a girl like that anyways. There’s someone out there who is perfect FOR YOU and you do not need to settle.

Still wanna know how you can get into a woman’s mind?

You can’t! ...But if you be yourself, you can get into a woman’s heart and trust me, it’s a much nicer place than a woman’s mind. ;)

Confidence Gets the Girl: Part 2 of The Friend Zone.

You’re back for more huh? Now, that we’ve discovered the elements of being the “best friend” in the “friend zone,” I think it’s only fair to depict how you got there in the first place, and what you need to do to get out of there and never go back.

 Of course, there are just some men who prefer to be the “go-to-then-go-away” guy. This is their comfort zone; this is the guy they’re used to being. Why, because it’s safe? Less painful? WRONG! What could be more painful than being the closest with someone, sharing the most passionate darkest thoughts and feelings with that person, while all the while, you know that’s all you will ever be is, just the go-to, love-caddy she turns to when she needs you but, she dreams about someone else and the serious relationship side of her heart does not belong to you in any shape, way or form. You are just the friend, you may be the very “best” friend, but not the friend you desire to be. So you settle and let go of everything you ever wanted. Why? Because your best friend sees you as a man with very low self confidence.

To a woman, Self confidence in a man is one of the sexiest things. This is one of the # 1 reasons why men believe that women only go for the bad boys. A man considered to be a “bad boy” is one who is has set priorities, stands up for himself and knows what he doesn’t like and likes and goes for it, and if he doesn’t like it, he’ll tell that pretty little thing to hit the road, leaving girls heart broken and rejected, yet they keep coming back for more, because of his confidence level. Subconsciously, a woman desires a man because of the way he carries himself, a confident man, dresses confident, a confident man speaks with confidence, and a confident man, walks about, confidently. To my personal experience, any woman would kill to be on the arm of a confident man walking down the street. A confident man “CHOOSES” his woman wisely; he wisely, does not let the woman choose him.

Keep telling yourself it's better than nothing.

The poor soul from the friend zone does none of these. He stands around and waits for the lady to choose him, while he sits back quietly, playing it safe, he waits for her to fall in love with him. A man that lacks confidence never gets the girl. A poorly confident man dresses in an over-the-top manner. He either coordinates his colors to a “no-no” extent or dresses up for a movie like he’s going to prom.

I’m sorry; it’s just very obvious that you have very little self esteem if you need your clothes to speak for you.

            Are you starting to figure out what you’re doing wrong? If you’re still clueless, I’ll help you. When you first met your best friend, what was it that got her talking to you? I’m sure apart of it was because you were caring, but a woman says her first words to a guy, and I mean, she will only speak to you if she finds you “attractive enough” to even pass those 2 little letters past her lips: “Hi.”

Let’s face it; a woman already decides if she will talk to you, if you are decently to her type of liking, so at some point, you looked okay, right? Unfortunately, I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to screw something up along the way a way that made her rule you out as a “boyfriend” candidate and my guess is: Because you were not that “bad boy”, not the confident level she was looking for and definitely not as aggressive as you should have been in the first few months of knowing her, to pursue her as a date.

Still lost? Here’s how it happens:

You meet a girl that you find extremely attractive; you’re not just taken by her looks but you (so far) like her personality. Being that you have a very low self esteem or confidence, you realize that the “meeting process” wasn’t as brutal as you thought it would be, so now you walk on eggshells to do be the sweetest little angel, otherwise known as, her BFF so that you don’t miss this opportunity. She may be attracted to you, or at least she was when you first met, but now that you are playing it safe (because you find yourself so lucky to even talk to her,) she lets you hang out with her and she’s even introduced you to her friends… Don’t you feel special?

Don’t see a problem? Of course you wouldn’t. Listen up and listen good, a woman will always befriend a guy AT FIRST because of his appearance, it just works that way… everyone judges a person based on his looks, just like a guy wouldn’t openly talk to a ragged, bum-type girl, (yes, we can be a little shallow, at times.) Your new friend will have fond feelings for you, for the first few weeks, even months; she’ll get giddy and excited when you call, She may not let you know this but, she really likes you a lot. All is going well… But that’s where the anti-confident, boyfriend prospect, guy, slowly slides into the Friend Zone! Why? Because a woman will give herself a mental time frame and she will stick with it. My dear, you are on a clock and if you don’t make a move and ask her out, or become more than the sweet mushy, puppy dog that you so safely know how to be, then she doesn’t want to make you official for one of two reasons.

1.      You’re just not that interested in her. A woman with dignity and (sometimes too much) pride will not tell you she wants to be with you and take the chance of being turned down. (Men deal with that way far easier than women do.)

2.      She can tell that you have lack self confidence. A woman wants a guy who knows what he wants and if she’s what he wants and doesn’t go for it, and then she definitely will not stand by and watch a guy NOT fight for her and wait for him to come out of his turtle shell.

A guy needs to show a girl that she is worth something. If you aren’t capable to approach her and tell her how you really feel, or what you want to do to her, then she can tell at this stage, that you are not serious and are not ready to be in a relationship, at least not with her. Because what she’s used to is guys chasing after her, paying her compliments and then playfully insulting her. She likes a challenge, not a guy who agrees with everything she says; tells her how wonderful she is; when she tells you about a guy she wants to go with, you tell her, “go for it, you’re gorgeous.” That’s not what she wanted to hear. As a guy, you might be confused and say, “Wait, I thought that’s what women liked and expected? Yes, that’s nice but while you’re paying her all the compliments and boosting her ego, you’re forgetting one thing…. Your Confidence!

You don’t go for her because you think she’s out of your league, you think she would never go for a guy like you, you are “afraid” to take chances and possibly lose and that, my sweet, is very unattractive to a girl. So after all that playing safe and being just her friend because you were afraid she wouldn’t talk to you; you didn’t take that dangerous leap because why, you were afraid to lose her? Well guess what, you just lost!

            While you go grab a Kleenex and stop hitting yourself in the head, I’ll continue to tell you that it’s not to late, you may have lost your chance, but with women, there is always a second chance, (because girls F*** up too, an they’ll give you a second chance only because they hope you’ll return the favor in the future.) Now that you’re friends with her, you know here history, you know her story and you’re the guy she tells all of her horror-date stories to. This is where the Pros come in from the cons of the Friend Zone.

            You’ve seen the guys she’s dated, you know why they didn’t work out so now you have the ability to avoid the “don’ts” and show her your “dos.” This is the part where you grow a pair and show her that you do deserve her and that you could treat her better than any of those cocky, cheating, self absorbed, game playing losers she went out with.

So now you ask:

How do I show my best friend that I would be different than all of the other guys that have played her, how can I make her believe that?

Answer:

Your actions will speak louder than words. But at this point, your words should take action, she already has seen you in action and how well you care and love her, that’s why you guys are the very best of friends, so being honest with her might be your best bet, now. You need to tell her what you feel, subtly, so that you don’t scare her and confuse her. While being completely open with your feelings is the best and allows you to put everything out in the open, you still need to put action behind your NEW words. You will also need to prove to her that you are boyfriend material, she’s only you’re your sweet friend side, so now you need to show her but, don't let showing her fall back on materialistic things. This doesn’t mean you need to buy her cars, and fancy phones and shopping sprees, at least not at first, because you don’t want to make it easy on her to accept you as a boyfriend because it’s just so much fun, because now she gets her BFF and gifts! No, that needs to wait, save it for just because gifts down the road and for anniversaries and birthdays. What you can show her now is little text messages or emails, from time to time, telling her that she has a cute smile, her eyes are pretty or how much you treasure being in her heart. Comment on what you value most about her what she will always have when she grows old (this way she will know that you will always love her for who she is because her heart won’t change. However, do that with your brain not your “head” because if you comment on other things, you might come across as wanting to get into panties.

Another factor is, if you guys do become an item, hold off on sex! I know it's hard, especially for a guy, But holding off will show her you respect her and the relationship. I’m sure it’s something no other man as done before, this is a rarity. Even if she does get pissy about you rejecting her, (it might be a trick) but tell her you respect her and don’t want to screw anything up. (No pun intended)

And finally, be completely open with everything, if she can trust you, then she could already tell that you are not like the other guys who played her.
But for starters, tell her how much you like/love her and tell her that you would be different than other guys, because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be your girl, until she’s your girl.

 

Now that you know how you got into this mess, how to avoid this mess and what you need to do to fix this mess now all that’s left to do is show her what it’s like to be __________________’s girl.