Confidence Gets the Girl: Part 2 of The Friend Zone.

You’re back for more huh? Now, that we’ve discovered the elements of being the “best friend” in the “friend zone,” I think it’s only fair to depict how you got there in the first place, and what you need to do to get out of there and never go back.

 Of course, there are just some men who prefer to be the “go-to-then-go-away” guy. This is their comfort zone; this is the guy they’re used to being. Why, because it’s safe? Less painful? WRONG! What could be more painful than being the closest with someone, sharing the most passionate darkest thoughts and feelings with that person, while all the while, you know that’s all you will ever be is, just the go-to, love-caddy she turns to when she needs you but, she dreams about someone else and the serious relationship side of her heart does not belong to you in any shape, way or form. You are just the friend, you may be the very “best” friend, but not the friend you desire to be. So you settle and let go of everything you ever wanted. Why? Because your best friend sees you as a man with very low self confidence.

To a woman, Self confidence in a man is one of the sexiest things. This is one of the # 1 reasons why men believe that women only go for the bad boys. A man considered to be a “bad boy” is one who is has set priorities, stands up for himself and knows what he doesn’t like and likes and goes for it, and if he doesn’t like it, he’ll tell that pretty little thing to hit the road, leaving girls heart broken and rejected, yet they keep coming back for more, because of his confidence level. Subconsciously, a woman desires a man because of the way he carries himself, a confident man, dresses confident, a confident man speaks with confidence, and a confident man, walks about, confidently. To my personal experience, any woman would kill to be on the arm of a confident man walking down the street. A confident man “CHOOSES” his woman wisely; he wisely, does not let the woman choose him.

Keep telling yourself it's better than nothing.

The poor soul from the friend zone does none of these. He stands around and waits for the lady to choose him, while he sits back quietly, playing it safe, he waits for her to fall in love with him. A man that lacks confidence never gets the girl. A poorly confident man dresses in an over-the-top manner. He either coordinates his colors to a “no-no” extent or dresses up for a movie like he’s going to prom.

I’m sorry; it’s just very obvious that you have very little self esteem if you need your clothes to speak for you.

            Are you starting to figure out what you’re doing wrong? If you’re still clueless, I’ll help you. When you first met your best friend, what was it that got her talking to you? I’m sure apart of it was because you were caring, but a woman says her first words to a guy, and I mean, she will only speak to you if she finds you “attractive enough” to even pass those 2 little letters past her lips: “Hi.”

Let’s face it; a woman already decides if she will talk to you, if you are decently to her type of liking, so at some point, you looked okay, right? Unfortunately, I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to screw something up along the way a way that made her rule you out as a “boyfriend” candidate and my guess is: Because you were not that “bad boy”, not the confident level she was looking for and definitely not as aggressive as you should have been in the first few months of knowing her, to pursue her as a date.

Still lost? Here’s how it happens:

You meet a girl that you find extremely attractive; you’re not just taken by her looks but you (so far) like her personality. Being that you have a very low self esteem or confidence, you realize that the “meeting process” wasn’t as brutal as you thought it would be, so now you walk on eggshells to do be the sweetest little angel, otherwise known as, her BFF so that you don’t miss this opportunity. She may be attracted to you, or at least she was when you first met, but now that you are playing it safe (because you find yourself so lucky to even talk to her,) she lets you hang out with her and she’s even introduced you to her friends… Don’t you feel special?

Don’t see a problem? Of course you wouldn’t. Listen up and listen good, a woman will always befriend a guy AT FIRST because of his appearance, it just works that way… everyone judges a person based on his looks, just like a guy wouldn’t openly talk to a ragged, bum-type girl, (yes, we can be a little shallow, at times.) Your new friend will have fond feelings for you, for the first few weeks, even months; she’ll get giddy and excited when you call, She may not let you know this but, she really likes you a lot. All is going well… But that’s where the anti-confident, boyfriend prospect, guy, slowly slides into the Friend Zone! Why? Because a woman will give herself a mental time frame and she will stick with it. My dear, you are on a clock and if you don’t make a move and ask her out, or become more than the sweet mushy, puppy dog that you so safely know how to be, then she doesn’t want to make you official for one of two reasons.

1.      You’re just not that interested in her. A woman with dignity and (sometimes too much) pride will not tell you she wants to be with you and take the chance of being turned down. (Men deal with that way far easier than women do.)

2.      She can tell that you have lack self confidence. A woman wants a guy who knows what he wants and if she’s what he wants and doesn’t go for it, and then she definitely will not stand by and watch a guy NOT fight for her and wait for him to come out of his turtle shell.

A guy needs to show a girl that she is worth something. If you aren’t capable to approach her and tell her how you really feel, or what you want to do to her, then she can tell at this stage, that you are not serious and are not ready to be in a relationship, at least not with her. Because what she’s used to is guys chasing after her, paying her compliments and then playfully insulting her. She likes a challenge, not a guy who agrees with everything she says; tells her how wonderful she is; when she tells you about a guy she wants to go with, you tell her, “go for it, you’re gorgeous.” That’s not what she wanted to hear. As a guy, you might be confused and say, “Wait, I thought that’s what women liked and expected? Yes, that’s nice but while you’re paying her all the compliments and boosting her ego, you’re forgetting one thing…. Your Confidence!

You don’t go for her because you think she’s out of your league, you think she would never go for a guy like you, you are “afraid” to take chances and possibly lose and that, my sweet, is very unattractive to a girl. So after all that playing safe and being just her friend because you were afraid she wouldn’t talk to you; you didn’t take that dangerous leap because why, you were afraid to lose her? Well guess what, you just lost!

            While you go grab a Kleenex and stop hitting yourself in the head, I’ll continue to tell you that it’s not to late, you may have lost your chance, but with women, there is always a second chance, (because girls F*** up too, an they’ll give you a second chance only because they hope you’ll return the favor in the future.) Now that you’re friends with her, you know here history, you know her story and you’re the guy she tells all of her horror-date stories to. This is where the Pros come in from the cons of the Friend Zone.

            You’ve seen the guys she’s dated, you know why they didn’t work out so now you have the ability to avoid the “don’ts” and show her your “dos.” This is the part where you grow a pair and show her that you do deserve her and that you could treat her better than any of those cocky, cheating, self absorbed, game playing losers she went out with.

So now you ask:

How do I show my best friend that I would be different than all of the other guys that have played her, how can I make her believe that?

Answer:

Your actions will speak louder than words. But at this point, your words should take action, she already has seen you in action and how well you care and love her, that’s why you guys are the very best of friends, so being honest with her might be your best bet, now. You need to tell her what you feel, subtly, so that you don’t scare her and confuse her. While being completely open with your feelings is the best and allows you to put everything out in the open, you still need to put action behind your NEW words. You will also need to prove to her that you are boyfriend material, she’s only you’re your sweet friend side, so now you need to show her but, don't let showing her fall back on materialistic things. This doesn’t mean you need to buy her cars, and fancy phones and shopping sprees, at least not at first, because you don’t want to make it easy on her to accept you as a boyfriend because it’s just so much fun, because now she gets her BFF and gifts! No, that needs to wait, save it for just because gifts down the road and for anniversaries and birthdays. What you can show her now is little text messages or emails, from time to time, telling her that she has a cute smile, her eyes are pretty or how much you treasure being in her heart. Comment on what you value most about her what she will always have when she grows old (this way she will know that you will always love her for who she is because her heart won’t change. However, do that with your brain not your “head” because if you comment on other things, you might come across as wanting to get into panties.

Another factor is, if you guys do become an item, hold off on sex! I know it's hard, especially for a guy, But holding off will show her you respect her and the relationship. I’m sure it’s something no other man as done before, this is a rarity. Even if she does get pissy about you rejecting her, (it might be a trick) but tell her you respect her and don’t want to screw anything up. (No pun intended)

And finally, be completely open with everything, if she can trust you, then she could already tell that you are not like the other guys who played her.
But for starters, tell her how much you like/love her and tell her that you would be different than other guys, because she doesn’t know what it’s like to be your girl, until she’s your girl.

 

Now that you know how you got into this mess, how to avoid this mess and what you need to do to fix this mess now all that’s left to do is show her what it’s like to be __________________’s girl.